dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
