its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
