i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
