he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
