yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I am available for nakedness
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
