did you get engaged???
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize