I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
