can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
