Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
