I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
