then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize