She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
