He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
