I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
