oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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