oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
