i would one night stand the shit outta him
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
