onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize