I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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