I will die if light touches me.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
