My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
