Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
love makes seman taste better
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
