Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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