i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
