You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Randomize
