haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
