i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
