Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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