We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
