youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
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