I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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