My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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