I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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