idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
