This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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