Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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