Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
