So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
