im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
