i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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