I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
