The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
