I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
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