Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Randomize
