i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I have feelings that need drinking.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Randomize
