Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
