it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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