she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
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