Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
the liver wants what the liver wants
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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