you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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