I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I wannas sexs uuuuu
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
