My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
