Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
