Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
