all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
