you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
