Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
