yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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