I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
