Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
