So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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