then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
