but the lizard people decide everything anyway
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
