I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
