Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
