so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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