I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
My liver just had a heart attack.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
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