Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
