I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
