Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
