so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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