using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
she told me i tasted like america
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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