so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
