I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Randomize
