life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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