Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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