also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
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