i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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