true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
