I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
