He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
