Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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