Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
It all started with a game of naked twister.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
