told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
